On Cleaning Up.

February 5, 2013

Dear readers, I’m hoping that by this time next week I’m not standing on a street corner, yelling out in hanger, or curled up under my desk, shaking, from caffeine withdrawals.

I’ve decided to take 21 days off from the things I love the most (namely, beer and beef), and clean up my eating/drinking act starting next Monday. Why, you might ask, incredulously with eyebrows raised as many of my loved ones have? A number of reasons.

But first, the rules:


1. Dollar Dollar Bills. 2013 is my year to get my shit together, financially. Bourbon is expensive. 5 bourbons are even more expensive. The cab home from Brooklyn because you’re too tipsy to take the subway is expensive. Pasture fed short ribs are expensive. Being a lazy bum and eating shitty take out for lunch is expensive. I figure if I can focus on feeding myself good, healthy, home cookin’ and cut out my bar tabs I can save myself an average of $80 – $120 a week. (Oh my God, I am just looking at that figure and thinking that’s a vacation or two a year in savings.)

2. Pep in the Step.  I felt like I was going to puke on the sidewalk the other day when 3 out of 4 of the escalators up from the center-of-the-earth- hell that is the 63rd Street F station were out. Not cute. I think I used school as an excuse to eat whatever I felt like, and to not move as much as I should. That’s over now, and I have “time”. Time to cook, time to walk home from work, time to hit the gym. I feel a little bit sluggish. I feel really sluggish when I have a hangover and lay in bed all day on a perfectly good Saturday eating Annie’s Mac and Cheese and watching every episode of Breaking Bad.

3. Cultcha.   I have an incredibly fulfilling social life, filled with friends that are smart and funny and good-looking, and are excellent dinner dates and drinking buddies.I think meeting them for a beer or a burger will be the hardest part of this adventure. New York City as a place supports my two inherent genetic traits: workaholism, and alcoholism. I think focusing on activities that aren’t centered around booze or meat for a little while will force me to see more of the city – to see films, performances, etc. I’ve got two concerts, African dance classes, a knife skills class, hopefully some volunteer work and maybe an Opera planned for the next couple weeks.

4. Vanity.  I’m fat. That’s not going to change. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to ditch my favorite jeans because they are currently too tight.  I saw this picture of me from when I worked on the farm. I was still fat, but I felt strong as hell, and I felt the best in my body I ever have. Also, look upon that sweet tan! Also, PBR in hand, duh.


In preparation for the weeks ahead, i’ve been cooking myself boss dinners each night, with enough leftovers for lunch, so that I can get back in the kitchen swing, and think about portions.

Mustard crusted pork chops with kale and apple hash with thyme.


Garlicky Kale Linguine with lemon and Parmesan.


OH ALSO, SHOWER BEERS. (I’ll miss you.)


So follow along these next few weeks! I am bad at commitment, and half a lush, so I don’t underestimate the challenge ahead of me. Don’t give me cheese, even if  I call you crying in the middle of the night, ok?


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